By Simon Peter, Fisherman-turned-Apostle
Greetings, dear friends! Peter here, taking a break from my usual tales about walking on water (yes, yes, I know I sank – we'll get to that story another time) to share an absolutely remarkable story I recently heard during my travels. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Peter, surely nothing could top that time you tried to fight off Roman soldiers with a sword and accidentally cut off someone's ear!" But trust me, this one's a real jaw-dropper.
Picture this: a prophet, a donkey, and an invisible angel walk into a road... No, this isn't the start of a bad joke at the tavern (though I've heard plenty of those from Matthew – tax collectors, I tell you!). This is the tale of Balaam, and let me tell you, it makes my fishing stories seem pretty tame in comparison.
The Setup (Or: How Not to Start Your Day)
So there's this prophet named Balaam. Now, between you and me, he wasn't exactly what you'd call one of our people. But apparently, he had quite the reputation for his prophecies – sort of like Simon the Magician, but with less showmanship and more actual connection to the divine, if you catch my drift.
One day, Balaam gets a message from King Balak of Moab. And let me tell you about Balak – he's the kind of ruler who sees the Israelites camping near his kingdom and instead of sending a fruit basket, he decides the best course of action is to hire a prophet to curse them. I mean, really? As if we weren't intimidating enough with just our regular camping habits (have you seen how many people we travel with? It's like trying to organize a Galilean fishing fleet, but worse!).
Initially, God tells Balaam, "Don't even think about it." Pretty clear, right? About as clear as that time Jesus told me to "Get behind me, Satan!" (Still a bit sensitive about that one, if I'm honest). But then Balak sends more messengers, probably with a better offer – you know how these things go. God finally says, "Fine, go ahead, but only say what I tell you to say."
The Journey Begins (Or: When Your Donkey Is Smarter Than You)
Now, here's where it gets interesting. Balaam saddles up his donkey – let's call her Sarah (the story doesn't give her name, but every good donkey deserves a name, don't you think?). He's probably feeling pretty good about himself, thinking about whatever reward Balak promised him. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and he's totally oblivious to the fact that God is, shall we say, less than thrilled with his enthusiasm for this little venture.
So what does the Almighty do? He sends an angel with a drawn sword to stand in the road. Now, I've had my fair share of encounters with angels, and let me tell you, they're impressive enough when they're just standing there. Add a sword to the mix, and well... let's just say I understand why my wife's mother-in-law stayed in bed with a fever that one time.
Here's the kicker: the donkey sees the angel, but Balaam doesn't. It reminds me of all those times Jesus would say something profound, and I'd be standing there thinking about fishing nets. Sometimes we're all a bit spiritually blind, aren't we?
The Three "Detours" (Or: When Your Transportation Starts Making Better Decisions Than You)
So this poor donkey – bless her heart – sees this terrifying angel with a sword and does what any sensible creature would do: she veers off the road into a field. Balaam, who apparently hasn't gotten the message that his donkey might actually be doing him a favor, starts beating her to get back on track.
The second time, they're going through this narrow passage between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. The angel shows up again, and the donkey, trying her best to avoid certain death, presses close to one of the walls. Unfortunately, this means Balaam's foot gets scraped against the wall. Now, I've stubbed my toe plenty of times on fishing boats, and I know it hurts, but Balaam's reaction seems a bit extreme. He beats the poor animal again!
The third time, they come to such a narrow place that there's no room to turn either right or left. The angel is there again, looking all angelic and dangerous (as angels do). The donkey, probably thinking "I've had enough of this nonsense," just lies down under Balaam.
Now, I've had some embarrassing moments in my time – trying to walk on water, falling asleep in Gethsemane (multiple times), that whole denying Jesus thing (we really don't need to get into that) – but can you imagine sitting there on your donkey that's suddenly decided to take a nap in the middle of the road? With important Moabite officials watching? I can just hear them snickering behind their hands.
The Plot Twist (Or: When Your Donkey Starts Winning Arguments)
Here's where it gets really good. The Lord opens the donkey's mouth, and she starts talking! Now, I've seen some miraculous things in my time with Jesus, but a talking donkey? That's something special. And what does she say? "What have I done to you that you have beaten me these three times?"
But here's the truly incredible part – Balaam answers her! As if having a conversation with your donkey is the most natural thing in the world! He doesn't even seem surprised! He just says, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now!"
Let's pause for a moment and appreciate this scene: A grown man, a professional prophet no less, is having an argument with his donkey in front of important government officials. And he's losing the argument! The donkey makes this brilliant defense: "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
I have to say, the donkey makes an excellent point. Better than some of the arguments I've made in my time (like that time I tried to convince Jesus he didn't need to go to Jerusalem and suffer... that didn't end well).
The Big Reveal (Or: When You Realize Your Donkey Was Right All Along)
Finally, God opens Balaam's eyes, and he sees what his donkey has been seeing all along – the angel of the Lord standing in the road with a drawn sword. Talk about a wake-up call! It reminds me of all those times Jesus would explain something, and then hours later, I'd finally get it. ("Ohhhh, that's what He meant by 'leaven of the Pharisees'!")
The angel then delivers what has to be one of the greatest "I told you so" speeches of all time: "Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her."
Can we just appreciate this for a moment? The donkey saved his life! The animal he was beating actually saved him from certain death. It's like that time Jesus told me to put away my sword in the garden – sometimes what seems like interference is actually divine intervention.
The Lesson (Or: What We Can Learn from a Talking Donkey)
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Peter, what's the point of this story?" Well, let me tell you, as someone who's had his fair share of miraculous experiences (and spectacular failures), this story teaches us some important lessons:
- Sometimes God speaks through unexpected sources. I mean, if He can speak through a donkey, He can speak through anyone (even tax collectors like Matthew – sorry, Matthew, if you're reading this!).
- Just because you're a religious professional doesn't mean you can't be spiritually blind. Trust me, I know this one from personal experience. Sometimes it takes a miraculous intervention – or a talking donkey – to get our attention.
- God has a sense of humor. I mean, He could have just appeared to Balaam directly, but instead, He chose to humble him by having him lose an argument with his donkey. In front of important officials, no less!
- If your donkey starts acting strange, maybe don't beat it. Actually, maybe don't beat your donkey at all. Just some friendly advice from someone who's learned a thing or two about jumping to conclusions.
The Aftermath (Or: How It All Turned Out)
You might be wondering what happened next. Well, Balaam finally got the message and told the angel, "I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back."
But here's the interesting part – the angel tells him to go ahead with the men, but only to speak what God tells him to. And you know what? That's exactly what he did. When he finally got to King Balak, instead of cursing Israel, he blessed them! Multiple times! I can just imagine Balak's face getting redder and redder with each blessing. It's almost as good as that time Jesus told me to catch a fish to pay our taxes (but that's another story for another day).
Final Thoughts (Or: What I Learned from Someone Else's Embarrassing Moment)
As someone who's had his fair share of humbling experiences (did I mention the whole walking on water thing?), I can relate to Balaam's story more than I'd like to admit. Sometimes we get so focused on our own plans and desires that we miss God's obvious attempts to redirect us. Sometimes it takes something as dramatic as a talking donkey to get our attention.
And let's be honest – if your donkey starts talking to you, you should probably listen. It's probably important. Just like if Jesus tells you you can walk on water, you should probably keep your eyes on Him instead of the waves (note to self: write a blog post about that sometime).
So next time you're tempted to ignore God's warnings, remember Balaam and his talking donkey. And maybe, just maybe, pay attention to the unexpected ways God might be trying to get your message across. He might not send a talking donkey your way, but then again, He just might!
P.S. To all my fishing buddies back in Galilee who never believe my stories about walking on water – see? Strange things DO happen! If a donkey can talk, surely a fisherman can walk on water... briefly.